Psychologists, philosophers and positive thinkers alike pretty much agree that the most important conversations you can have are those with one person in particular: yourself. Self-talk.

The reason is that our attitudes are influenced most by the voices?and the messages?we are exposed to most often. And since everywhere we go, there we are, since no one person is around us as much as we are with ourselves, what we tell ourselves is more important than what anyone else might tell us.

I Psychologists, philosophers and positive thinkers alike pretty much agree that the most important conversations you can have are those with one person in particular: yourself. Self-talk.

The reason is that our attitudes are influenced most by the voices?and the messages?we are exposed to most often. And since everywhere we go, there we are, since no one person is around us as much as we are with ourselves, what we tell ourselves is more important than what anyone else might tell us.

I just happen to take this conversational approach a bit more literal than most. Meaning, I talk to myself.

A lot.

Out loud.

In public.

It?s not that I set out to do this, I just can?t seem to help myself. I get lost in my own thoughts quite easily?and often?and without even realizing it, I?m mumbling away, as if there were two people there. Russ1 and Russ2.

To clarify, I don?t hear voices that aren?t really there (hey, they tell me they?re real, so I believe ?em!), and I don?t believe there?s some person with me who?s as real as you and I but is only visible to me. (I swear. Really.). I just get a little carried away.

Liz constantly busts me when I’m doing it, and sometimes she gets more than a little aggravated, because while we?re walking down the street or even just sitting on the couch watching TV, I?m next to her physically, but mentally I?m off in cuckoo land, participating in both sides of a conversation I?m not even aware that I?m having.

It?s like those times when you?re driving and you suddenly realize you?ve gone 10 exits you can?t remember, like daze-driving. Only this is daze talking. And sometimes Liz just assumes that I?m talking about her (usually I?m not).

Well … it?s just a beautiful day today here in New York City, so I made the most of it by going to Washington Square Park to eat my lunch. It was about 82 degrees, nice breeze, no humidity. Not a cloud in the sky. The perfect setting to sit back and just let your mind wander. Which, for me, as you might be starting to gather, isn?t always such a great idea.

So as I was leaving the park, a woman?s voice came from behind me. What it said was: ?Are you talkin? to yourself? Mm. Lord have mercy.?

I kinda shrugged, feeling a bit sheepish. But when l turned around, I saw this woman with a young kid to her side, and another in a stroller she was pushing. Now … I really, really, really want to believe that she was talking to either or both of the kids,, and not me?but I [i]was[/i] talking to myself.

I got busted. Again.

And that?s just how I roll. So, yeah … I?m a believer that the conversations we have with ourselves are the most important we can have. I just have to work on how I participate in these conversations?and where they happen. Maybe a little less self-talky talk in public would help me out.

Lord have mercy. Indeed.

Post edited by: rcolchamiro, at: 2007/07/15 06:57

It?s about that time again, so here?s where I stand in regard to the [i]Finders Keepers[/i] manuscript, my quest to land an agent, and some new projects:

* I?ll be heading out to the San Diego Comic-con in two weeks, a trip that came about quite unexpectedly. My good friend and sometimes writing partner-in-crime Rich Henn (www.timespell.com) is going out there to shop his comic-book project, [i]Zoomies[/i], and the comic book we wrote together, [i]Timespell[/i], in the hopes of landing a deIt?s about that time again, so here?s where I stand in regard to the [i]Finders Keepers[/i] manuscript, my quest to land an agent, and some new projects:

* I?ll be heading out to the San Diego Comic-con in two weeks, a trip that came about quite unexpectedly. My good friend and sometimes writing partner-in-crime Rich Henn (www.timespell.com) is going out there to shop his comic-book project, [i]Zoomies[/i], and the comic book we wrote together, [i]Timespell[/i], in the hopes of landing a deal with a Hollywood agent for a TV/cable show and/or movie project. (We?ll also be out there with fellow comics dude Rich Koslowski – www.richkoslowski.com).

So now that I?m heading out there, too, I spent the last three weeks giving [i]Finders Keepers [/i]and slight revise?no major work, just some pruning. A little tweak here, a little cut there. But it was tough, tedious work that took some doing. I?m thrilled that I did it, though, as Finders Keepers has never read better. And because Rich (Henn, that is) works at a printing press, he?s helping me out with some new business cards and getting me about a dozen copies of [i]Finders Keepers[/i] printed up real snazzy-like so that I can shop them around ac Comic-con, too. Hey. You never know.

* As for the agent search, I?m back at it again, getting up at 6 a.m. most days, pumping out that revised query I put together a while back. I had a good session today?got four letters done?and my goal is to get at least 25 total in the mail by the end of July, and 50 total by the end of August. After that, I have a few other avenues to pursue, but I?ll fill you in on those as I get closer.

* Last but not least, I?ll be starting book No. 2?with the working title of [i]Crossline[/i]?no later than September 1, I but my hope is start mid-August. I?ve got tons of notes to review, and so I need to spend a little time going through them and planning before I start to write. But once I do, I?m going whole hog, with the hopes of banging out the entire first draft in 6 months. I?m not sure if I can pull it off, but I?ll give it my all.

That?s about it for now. Hope you?re having a great summer so far.

And as always, I?ll keep you posted.

One thing I?ve really been digging about the TV schedule the last year or so is how many new shows air during the summer, which used to be just dead space for reruns.

By far, my favorite summer shows include Entourage (HBO), Rescue Me (on FX) and The Wire (HBO). Liz and I also kinda like My Boys (TBS), which is just a light comedy and starts up again in a few weeks, and I?m thinking about checking out Burn Notice.

Any other fun summer shows I should be checking out?One thing I?ve really been digging about the TV schedule the last year or so is how many new shows air during the summer, which used to be just dead space for reruns.

By far, my favorite summer shows include Entourage (HBO), Rescue Me (on FX) and The Wire (HBO). Liz and I also kinda like My Boys (TBS), which is just a light comedy and starts up again in a few weeks, and I?m thinking about checking out Burn Notice.

Any other fun summer shows I should be checking out?

A while back I was talking with someone who said that he couldn’t categorize his friends, meaning, he didn’t distinguish between his "best friend" and then down the line. To him, he’s got four or five friends–most of whom he’s known for at least 15 years–and who are all kind of his "best friend." He considers them on equal grounds. Of course, he relates to each friend differently, but he says that, in his mind, they are all equally good friends to him.

"You can’A while back I was talking with someone who said that he couldn’t categorize his friends, meaning, he didn’t distinguish between his "best friend" and then down the line. To him, he’s got four or five friends–most of whom he’s known for at least 15 years–and who are all kind of his "best friend." He considers them on equal grounds. Of course, he relates to each friend differently, but he says that, in his mind, they are all equally good friends to him.

"You can’t rate your friends," he said.

And that got me thinking. Can you categorize your friends? And if you can, should you?

My short answer is: yes and yes.

While I certainly appreciate the difficulty and nuance in categorizing friendships, we all do it, whether we are conscious of it or not. Some of us have a "best friend." That person is our go-to person almost regardless of circumstance, and there’s little doubt about who that person is for us. Meanwhile, some of us don’t have a "best friend" but a handful of close friends, who are all best friends of sorts, but without one sticking out above the others.

But whether or not we put our friends into boxes, or categorize them officially, we actually do it in our minds, even if there’s no formal planning of it. For example:

There are some people, or perhaps a single person, who we confide in with our deepest, most personal thoughts and feelings; our dreams and wishes; our fears. And maybe we tell one particular person these things, or we confide different things to different friends. But even though we might not sit down with a pen and paper and make the lists of who we would tell what, we still do it. We feel that tug in ourselves about who we want to share something with.

When we want to tell somebody something exciting, who’s the first person you think of? Same thing with when we struggle. We come up with a name, or names. But how did we do that? How do we decide?

Some friends are friends. True companions. Some friends are buddies. The ones you grab a beer with or go to the movies or have lunch. Some are people you’re friendly with, maybe a work friend or someone you see in a group. We all have our "A" friends and "B" friends and "C" friends, and down the line.

So even if we don’t formally put them in categories, we actually do it anyway. Somewhere deep in our subconscious, we make those determinations of who’s most trustworthy, or who’s most likely to be the kind of friend you need when you most need it. And also who is most likely to let you down, and so maybe we resist including that person.

Do you have that one person, that one friend, you tell everything? Do you have a few friends who are close in stature in your mind, but you share different elements of your life with each? Do you have some combination?

As time goes on we accept new friends into our lives, and they organically integrate into some level of confidence with us, as we do with them. Just as our existing friends move up and down in stature for us, given where we are in our respective paths. Sometimes we’re closer with a particular friend; sometimes not so much. Sometimes we find our way back to friends we’ve drifted from; sometimes we don’t.

Relationships are not permanent. We may want them to be–and they may turn out to be–but we flow in out of one another’s circle in different phases and with not nearly as much predictability as we would like. Relationships–and their stature–can change for us in an instant. A single word, a single deed, can split us apart–or bring us together. Plus, we all change. We grow. Some of us more than others, but we do not remain as we were. Our values shift. Our patience for wasted time lessens. We realize more and more that our time on this Earth is limited, and we try to make the most of it while we’ve got it, and so we look to spend that time with the people we appreciate–and who appreciate us–the most.

Where we fit in regard to our friends–and them with us–constantly changes. Sometimes those changes are big, but mostly they’re subtle, filled with lots of little moments that add up to something big.

So, going back to the original question:

Can you categorize your friends? And if you can, should you?

I finally got around to seeing X-Men 3, and after all the negative things I heard about it, I kinda liked it. I agree that it isn’t as good as the first two movies, but it was pretty entertaining. The action was good, and it had a decent story there. I thought it just needed to be flushed out a little more. The X-Men movies have that social commentary to them, and this movie needed a little more of the debate going on. There were also too many new characters, and none of them really got much scrI finally got around to seeing X-Men 3, and after all the negative things I heard about it, I kinda liked it. I agree that it isn’t as good as the first two movies, but it was pretty entertaining. The action was good, and it had a decent story there. I thought it just needed to be flushed out a little more. The X-Men movies have that social commentary to them, and this movie needed a little more of the debate going on. There were also too many new characters, and none of them really got much screen time, which lessened their impact. Still, it wasn’t a half bad movie.

Last week Liz and I were on vacation–with three other couples and their kids–in Cape May, NJ, the southern tip of the New Jersey shore. We had a great time overall, although a little storm came in mid-week, which also led to some amazing waves in the following days.

Late Friday morning a bunch of us were in the water, battling some pretty intense waves–and having a blast doing it.

Until …

I was in the water up to my waist, so I felt plenty safe, even as the waves were crashiLast week Liz and I were on vacation–with three other couples and their kids–in Cape May, NJ, the southern tip of the New Jersey shore. We had a great time overall, although a little storm came in mid-week, which also led to some amazing waves in the following days.

Late Friday morning a bunch of us were in the water, battling some pretty intense waves–and having a blast doing it.

Until …

I was in the water up to my waist, so I felt plenty safe, even as the waves were crashing down. And these were big waves. Maybe eight to ten feet. No baby waves. Wave waves. And then I got hit by one wave, went under for a few seconds, and when I came back up, found myself about 25 feet deeper into the ocean. The wave had a massive undertow that really dragged me out there in a hurry.

Despite the distance, I still felt all right, figuring I would just swim back in. But those waves and the undertow kept dragging me back to the point where I could no longer stand and was struggling. Thing is, my wife also got dragged out with me, and she’s a half foot shorter than me, and also still not 100 percent post-heart surgery, and she was struggling.

Really struggling.

So I swam over to her and said, "I got you." Clearly I didn’t, because another wave hit me, and dragged us back. And then some panic set in. And as I tried to help her, my energy was depleting, which made me struggle even more. I was having a hard time now just keeping my own head above water. It’s tough feeling like you’re in trouble. Its even worse to see your wife also struggling in the water with no immediate help at the ready. She was scared. I was getting scared. So I raised my arm for the lifeguard, although I had no idea if they saw me.

But what I did see was my wife’s head bobbing up and down in the water, and the fear in her eyes. I then yelled for help–and god bless them–a couple of teenagers, good swimmers, dragged us toward shore until the lifeguards got to us.

In the end neither I nor Liz was hurt, but it really took the wind out of my sails. I was legitimately scared, and it took the rest of the day to shake it off. Even at the end of the day Liz and I were very hesitant to go back in the water, even at a very safe level. We were shaken.

That night the fear came back to me. That sense of helplessness, of struggle.

I’m not saying I’m never going back in the water. Not at all. But I got a very real scare the other day, and another reminder that the ocean is no joke. A healthy fear is good fear. And whether I had or not before, I sure have it now.

Instant replay hasn’t made it’s way into baseball–yet–and I think it’s time has come. And if I had it my way, this is how I’d do it, using the NFL version as a model:

* Each team gets only one opportunity to use instant replay per game, no matter how many innings it goes.

* If the team challenges a call–but the call is not reversed–the challenging team loses one out

that inning. And if the play in question would be the inning’s third out–or if the challenging team is pitching–tInstant replay hasn’t made it’s way into baseball–yet–and I think it’s time has come. And if I had it my way, this is how I’d do it, using the NFL version as a model:

* Each team gets only one opportunity to use instant replay per game, no matter how many innings it goes.

* If the team challenges a call–but the call is not reversed–the challenging team loses one out

that inning. And if the play in question would be the inning’s third out–or if the challenging team is pitching–then the challenging team would lose its first out the next time it comes to bat.

* The umpires have two minutes–120 seconds–to reverse the call. If they can’t conclusively decide in that time, the play stands.

* Instant replay would be used for:

* fair or foul for a batted ball

* safe or out (making a tag or race to the bag)

* home run/vs. batted ball off the top of the wall

* Instant replay would [i]not[/i] be used for:

* balls and strikes

* balks

* interference plays

So that’s my version of instant replay in baseball. What do you think?

I recently read [i]You Suck[/i] by Chris Moore, which is just a fun read. It’s the vampire love story comedy sequel to [i]Blood Sucking Fiends[/i]. You don’t need to read the first one to enjoy [i]You Suck[/i], which is not only fun, but also garners great looks from people on the train as you’re reading!I recently read [i]You Suck[/i] by Chris Moore, which is just a fun read. It’s the vampire love story comedy sequel to [i]Blood Sucking Fiends[/i]. You don’t need to read the first one to enjoy [i]You Suck[/i], which is not only fun, but also garners great looks from people on the train as you’re reading!

I heard [i]Hot Fuzz[/i] is hilarious. I’m dying to check that out, too.I heard [i]Hot Fuzz[/i] is hilarious. I’m dying to check that out, too.

Just letting everybody know that I’ll be on vacation this week, so there probably won’t be any posts until next weekend.

Off to Cape May for some sun and lobster …Just letting everybody know that I’ll be on vacation this week, so there probably won’t be any posts until next weekend.

Off to Cape May for some sun and lobster …