About Russ Colchamiro


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Russ Colchamiro has written 707 articles so far, you can find them below.


Ba Humbug – Rogue Movie Goers Tell Me to Drop Dead

I’ve been off from the work the better part of the last two weeks, and with that time I’ve been trying to get some extra sleep, work on my book, see friends and family, see a few movies, and spread some holiday cheer. Well … I’ve been mostly successful.

Yesterday I went to the movies with my sister, Alison, to see [i]Gran Torino[/i]. We went to the theater at 60th Street and 3rd Ave. in Manhattan, which I realized immediately upon showing up that I had made a mistake. I saw a movie there I’ve been off from the work the better part of the last two weeks, and with that time I’ve been trying to get some extra sleep, work on my book, see friends and family, see a few movies, and spread some holiday cheer. Well … I’ve been mostly successful.

Yesterday I went to the movies with my sister, Alison, to see [i]Gran Torino[/i]. We went to the theater at 60th Street and 3rd Ave. in Manhattan, which I realized immediately upon showing up that I had made a mistake. I saw a movie there last year, and hated the environment (old seats, dirty, poorly run, small screens), but forgot. But, we were already there, so what are you gonna do?

Our fun began before we even made our way inside. It was Friday, Jan. 2, so several people were off from work, and we had to wait outside on line to get a ticket. No big deal, except that there was a light snow, and Alison had an umbrella out to keep her dry. She accidentally bumped someone with the edge of the umbrella, which she apologized for, and moved away. The elder gentleman behind us kept explaining that there was no reason for her to have the umbrella, as we were partially under the awning, but Alison wanted the umbrella. So that was that. The guy behind us was not happy.

Once we found our seats, the people around us just had that aggressive talky way about them that said to me, [i]this could be a long movie[/i]. To avoid any conlficts, we moved up several rows so that we could all enjoy ourselves in peace. We didn’t complain or say a word to anyone, we just moved up, quietly and politely. The people in our row made some snarky comments about our moving anyway.

I think you can see where this day is heading.

By the time the movie started, the theater was packed, and mostly with that Baby Boomer/Seniors crowd, I suppose not surprising given that [i]Gran Torino[/i] is about a craggly old Clint Eastwood complaining about his neighbors.

During the movie itself–which was okay–I thought things were pretty much fine. We had the two seats closest to the wall, about half way down, out of harms’ way. No problem with anyone around us, no excessive chatter, so maybe my fears were misplaced. But about 2/3 into the movie my sister got a text message, and when she opened her phone, the light came up, and the woman behind her immediately dug her finger into Alison’s shoulder–[i]poke, poke, poke[/i]–and insist she shut the phone. Fair enough, but there’s a polite way to [i]ask[/i] and a nasty way to [i]demand.[/i] I wasn’t aware of this at the time, but apparently things were brewing.

When the movie ended, Alison and I sat there for two or three minutes as the credits rolled. Finally, it was time to go. So I stood up to put on my jacket, which apparently was a big mistake. The older couple behind us told me to get out of the way, I was blocking the credits. Yep. Their words. [i]You’re blocking the credits[/i]. Unaware that putting on my jacket was some sort of crime, I looked at the guy, trying to remain calm, not letting him get to me. Then he gets nasty. [i]Get the hell out of the way! [/i]Meanwhile, the theater is almost empty at this point. Trying to hold back as much as I can–but struggling–I give him and his wife a salute (not the finger, just a regular salute), and tell them to have a nice evening. The guy’s buddy–another Baby Boomer on the wrong side of 65–told me to drop dead.

Seriously. His words were [i]drop dead[/i].

I’m still baffled at all this, and on my way out told him that he’d gotten cranky in his old age (pretty mild considering what I wanted to say). This guy’s wife then told me I was rude and stupid and should grow a brain.

So much for spreading holiday cheer. I swear I left the house in a good mood; I wasn’t looking for anything except a nice day at the movies with my sister. I guess next time I should think twice.

How Did I Spend New Year’s? Watching Looney Tunes

For New Year’s Eve Liz’s cousin and her 7-year-old son, Alex, came in from Houston for a short visit. We had a good time, eating fresh baked chocolate chip cookies and watching Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith. (If that’s not what New Year’s Eve is all about, then what is?).

But what really tickled me pink was that this morning, New Year’s Day, everybody still groggy, we sat around the TV watching something that took me back: Looney Tunes.

We watched a few with Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fud. For New Year’s Eve Liz’s cousin and her 7-year-old son, Alex, came in from Houston for a short visit. We had a good time, eating fresh baked chocolate chip cookies and watching Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith. (If that’s not what New Year’s Eve is all about, then what is?).

But what really tickled me pink was that this morning, New Year’s Day, everybody still groggy, we sat around the TV watching something that took me back: Looney Tunes.

We watched a few with Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fud. One with Foghorn Leghorn. And these cartoon, the ones I grew up watching, still completely hold up. I was laughing, Liz was laughing. Alex was laughing. We had fun. So even though these cartoons were made before any of us were born, Bugs Bunny and the gang stand the test of time. They’re classic, with that two-fold quality: the goofy sight gags and the goofy adult humor. The combination worked then, and it works now.

Looney Tunes is the perfect example of that old saying: The more things change, the more they stay the same.

I’ve been watching Looney Tunes cartoons for as far back as I can remember. The same will hold true for the rest of my days. And there will be a smile on my face because of it.

Post edited by: rcolchamiro, at: 2009/01/14 06:05

Post edited by: rcolchamiro, at: 2009/01/14 06:05

Status Check: Finders Keepers in 2009

It’s just the first day of 2009 and already [i]Finders Keepers[/i] is getting into the groove.

Yet another interested party has emerged as a potential suitor for [i]Finders Keepers[/i]. We’re set to talk this week and discuss novel and movie possibilities. Now, this is just a conversation. We haven’t really been introduced formally, and this new player hasn’t even read [i]Finders Keepers[/i], so this is just in the infancy stages.

But it’s nice to start off 2009 with a blast of interIt’s just the first day of 2009 and already [i]Finders Keepers[/i] is getting into the groove.

Yet another interested party has emerged as a potential suitor for [i]Finders Keepers[/i]. We’re set to talk this week and discuss novel and movie possibilities. Now, this is just a conversation. We haven’t really been introduced formally, and this new player hasn’t even read [i]Finders Keepers[/i], so this is just in the infancy stages.

But it’s nice to start off 2009 with a blast of interest. This new player is focused on fantasy and sci-fi projects, so at the very least we’re in the same ball park, and we’ve had some good back and forth over the last week.

Once I have an update you know you’ll be getting the scoop.

Post edited by: rcolchamiro, at: 2009/01/14 06:03

Happy New Year! 2009!

OK, I fell asleep about 20 minutes before the ball dropped last night, but I reallyreallyreallyreallyreally tried to stay awake! I swear!

Anyway. Just wanted to wish everybody a Happy New Year.

Good things are coming …

Post edited by: rcolchamiro, at: 2009/01/01 09:49OK, I fell asleep about 20 minutes before the ball dropped last night, but I reallyreallyreallyreallyreally tried to stay awake! I swear!

Anyway. Just wanted to wish everybody a Happy New Year.

Good things are coming …

Post edited by: rcolchamiro, at: 2009/01/01 09:49

2008: Craptacular or Future Fantastic?

I don’t think it’s any big news to say that 2008 has been rather craptacular, especially the last several months. The economy has tanked, the stock market crashed, people are getting laid off, investments are down by a third.

Beyond that, most people are angry, irritable and depressed. We’re snapping at each other, constantly talking about how bad things are, how lousy they’ll stay, and who’s to blame.

But amidst all this stress, I’m here to spread some good cheer. I see the future I don’t think it’s any big news to say that 2008 has been rather craptacular, especially the last several months. The economy has tanked, the stock market crashed, people are getting laid off, investments are down by a third.

Beyond that, most people are angry, irritable and depressed. We’re snapping at each other, constantly talking about how bad things are, how lousy they’ll stay, and who’s to blame.

But amidst all this stress, I’m here to spread some good cheer. I see the future as being fastic. Indeed, times are tough, and they’re not going away tomorrow. But you know what? Times have been tough before. We’ve been through rough patches–brutal patches–and we made it through. Just in the last decade, we had the Internet bubble. We bounced back from that. We had the 9/11 attacks. We bounced back from that, too. And now we have this mess.

Yes. We will bounce back once again.

I’m not saying it will be quick or easy, but I’d like to encourage everyone to take stock of things you do have, rather than the things you don’t. Be grateful for whatever you can. Your family, your health. Your home, your friends. Your job (if you’ve still got one). The way the sun catches the snow in the morning. The new rotations for the Yankees and Mets (I had to get a baseball reference in there someplace). Dark Knight out on DVD.

Whatever it is that makes you happy, that would really pain you if it were gone … all I’m saying is that maybe it’s worth taking a few extra minutes, even just a few seconds, to think about what that means to you.

I’m not sure when this rough patch will end. A year? two years? Three? More? I don’t know. But I’m confident that if I take my life day by day with the belief that, in the long run, things will get better–as they always do–chances are I’ll have a better, easier time of it today than if I sit around and talk and talk and talk and talk about how bad and unfair it all is.

There’s nothing wrong with venting and sharing our fears, but there’s a fine line between expressing frustration, fear and disappointment, and feeding into our misery. I don’t think too many people are dancing in the streets right now about how good things are. Fair enough.

But that’s why now more than ever I think it’s important to focus on what really does matter to us most, because now, when it’s rough, is when it’s most beneficial to acknowledge the good things we really do have, big and small. Our individual and collective lives are mostly made up of little pieces that we cull together.

I’m willing to bet that if each one of us were to focus on the good, be willing to appreciate what we really do have, that we’ll be on the road to recovery much faster than if we don’t. As my hero Zig Ziglar often says, positive thinking doesn’t automatically bring us anything. But positive thinking will help us do everything better than with negative thinking. Hard to argue with that.

So as we close out 2008, I’m here to say that I see better days ahead. I’m also here to say that I’m grateful for you all, and that your energy, support and feedback has been a big help in keeping me focused and looking toward the future. In these times of struggle, each one of you are in my thoughts. And that, above most all else, makes me smile.

This year may have been craptacular, but I see the future as being faaaaaaan-tastic.

Post edited by: rcolchamiro, at: 2008/12/25 11:06

Post edited by: rcolchamiro, at: 2009/01/02 18:12

What the Heck is WagaBongoNow?

By and large, technology has been a huge, huge, huge help to me in promoting [i]Finders Keepers[/i]. As some of you know, I send out an electronic newsletter every six weeks, I had a killer animated trailer created for the Hollywood producers, and, of course, this very Web site, where some of you have already registered, and where I’m blogging right now.

All good.

That said, there are a few down sides. Every now and then there a problems with the Web site, although they’re usually reBy and large, technology has been a huge, huge, huge help to me in promoting [i]Finders Keepers[/i]. As some of you know, I send out an electronic newsletter every six weeks, I had a killer animated trailer created for the Hollywood producers, and, of course, this very Web site, where some of you have already registered, and where I’m blogging right now.

All good.

That said, there are a few down sides. Every now and then there a problems with the Web site, although they’re usually resolvable sooner rather than later, and every once in a while my computer just goes kablooey. And then, of course, come the scammers. I’ll explain:

Because I’ve tried to make it as easy as possible to register for the [i]Finders Keepers[/i] Web site, well … it’s easy to do. For anyone. The way the site works is that anytime anyone registers, I get an email that automatically updates me, letting me know of the new registration. And because it’s public, some segments of the public I hadn’t really set the site up for, come calling. A few examples:

myviagra.net

rxrefill.com

tom@tomcat.net

You get the idea.

As part of the system, I have the final say in approving registrations. So when I see an obvious phony, like those above, I delete them from the system. I don’t want those fakes wonking around with my web address or email contacts, so I try to purge them regularly. On average I get between 5 and 10 phonies per week. It only takes a few seconds to delete them all, so it’s not a big deal. But sometimes these phony addresses make me laugh. Just yesterday I got my favorite:

WagaBongoNow

I don’t know where they come up with these names, but I gotta laugh when a good one like that comes along. WagaBongoNow. I don’t know who you are or where you came from, hardly knew ya.

Woof Woof? That Dog’s a Shaggy Horse!

Liz and I are officially on the hunt for a new dog.

We’ve been checking online with sites like Petfinder, and have seen a couple of cute ones. We filled out an application for one dog we liked, but he was adopted before we could meet him. And this weekend we checked out an animal shelter all the way on the East side, and saw a dog we absolutely loved. He was cute and gentle and playful as all get-out.

The only problem was that he was soooooooooo hyper–he needs like 4 walks a day, inLiz and I are officially on the hunt for a new dog.

We’ve been checking online with sites like Petfinder, and have seen a couple of cute ones. We filled out an application for one dog we liked, but he was adopted before we could meet him. And this weekend we checked out an animal shelter all the way on the East side, and saw a dog we absolutely loved. He was cute and gentle and playful as all get-out.

The only problem was that he was soooooooooo hyper–he needs like 4 walks a day, including at least two trips to the dog run for at least 45 minutes at a time–that we just couldn’t commit. Same dog just a little calmer, and we were taking him home.

While we were there, the behaviorist–the woman who works with dogs and assesses their behavior–suggested that we take a look at a dog that met our criteria. Dog friendly, people friendly and calm. So we said OK, figuring, why not? So in walks this dog, or should I say, horse?

This dog was humongous!

He was 83 pounds, and if he stood up, would have towered over me. I couldn’t believe the size of this dog. He was like a motorcycle with fur! It was basically a shaggy horse.

It was a sweet dog for sure, and if it was half the size we would have adopted him, but unless you live in a mansion, this dog is going t take up half of your apartment. I started cracking up just amazed at the size of the dog, and he really was really, really sweet, but we just couldn’t do it.

So in the end we didn’t adopt any dogs, but we’re on the look out. One of these days we’ll find one, and it’ll be a good day indeed.

Post edited by: rcolchamiro, at: 2008/12/17 17:32

Why New Door Handles Make Me Sooooooo Happy

Liz and I have been living in our apartment in Queens for almost three years. And in those three years, with only one or two exceptions, none of the closet or bedroom doors worked properly. They’ve gotten so bad that some of the doorknobs literally fall off the doors if you touch them. Other doors are so warped from age and paint that they don’t close, while others that, if you close them, it takes a crow bar to open then again.

Needless to say, we’ve been anxious to fix these doors ever sLiz and I have been living in our apartment in Queens for almost three years. And in those three years, with only one or two exceptions, none of the closet or bedroom doors worked properly. They’ve gotten so bad that some of the doorknobs literally fall off the doors if you touch them. Other doors are so warped from age and paint that they don’t close, while others that, if you close them, it takes a crow bar to open then again.

Needless to say, we’ve been anxious to fix these doors ever since.

Three years, man. Three years. Door handles might seem like such an inconsequential item to stress over, but when they don’t work properly, it’s amazing how annoying it can be.

So Liz and I embarked–a year ago–on finding a contractor who could do the work. Well, a dozen contractors and a year later, and we finally … finally found somebody. And once he did the work, it was a quick job and we’re back in business. All of the closets and bedroom doors have new hardware, and all of the doors open, close and open again. Every time.

I never thought that I would hear myself say that you shouldn’t take working doorhandles for granted, but if you live long enough with doors that don’t work, you’ll be amazed at how nice it is to have doors that do.

My Dentist Made Me Squirm

When it comes to my dentist, when he says jump, I say are you out of your mind?

All jokes aside, whatever my dentist tells me to do, I do. Several years ago I wound up needing gum surgery because I skipped a few dentists appointments–like four year’s worth (long story–so when I go the dentist I have now, I listen. And I go every six months like clockwork. I brush 2-3 times a day, floss every day, wear a night guard.

My teeth are in good shape overall. I haven’t had a cavity in 25 yWhen it comes to my dentist, when he says jump, I say are you out of your mind?

All jokes aside, whatever my dentist tells me to do, I do. Several years ago I wound up needing gum surgery because I skipped a few dentists appointments–like four year’s worth (long story–so when I go the dentist I have now, I listen. And I go every six months like clockwork. I brush 2-3 times a day, floss every day, wear a night guard.

My teeth are in good shape overall. I haven’t had a cavity in 25 years. Well, I went for my six-month check-up this week, and I did well. Sort of.

Again, no cavities, and according to my dentist, my home care (flossing, brushing, etc.) is first rate. Only I had some soreness in my upper gum near my front tooth. And you know how I know this? Because he stuck a friggin metal hook in there and I almost passed out from the pain!

Holy crap that hurt! I was squirming like I’ve never squirmed before. Wow. I couldn’t believe what was going on there. Turns out it’s just that I had some swelling in the gum pocket, and so it was super duper sensitive even though the problem was very minor.

Minor, my ass. The pain was intense!

So he gave me a booster of antibiotics (injected directly in the sore spot), and that should be that. Now, I don’t fear the dentist, and as I said, I do whatever he tells me to do, but if he goes digging in that sore spot again with a metal hook, even he’ll need to give me the gas every time I show up … or I’ll knock out my own teeth and stick with liquids!

O.J. Got Got … And It’s About Time

I know it doesn’t impact my life on a practical level, but it’s about freakin time OJ Simpson finally got nailed for something. If all goes well, once he goes into jail, he’ll never come out.

And he’s going to a baaaaaaaaad place. I wouldn’t normally wish that on anyone, but when you cut your wife’s head off … and get away with it, well, you kinda had this one coming.

Still, it was pretty hard to watch that pathetic whimpering for leniency O.J. begged for as he faced the judge, O.I know it doesn’t impact my life on a practical level, but it’s about freakin time OJ Simpson finally got nailed for something. If all goes well, once he goes into jail, he’ll never come out.

And he’s going to a baaaaaaaaad place. I wouldn’t normally wish that on anyone, but when you cut your wife’s head off … and get away with it, well, you kinda had this one coming.

Still, it was pretty hard to watch that pathetic whimpering for leniency O.J. begged for as he faced the judge, O.J. just blabbering all over the place, finally backed into a corner he couldn’t B.S. his way out of. It’s pretty tragic all around, and it’s not my way to root for something this bad to happen to someone.

But in his case, I’m willing to make an exception.

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