For a whole combination of reasons, last night, for about an hour, I found myself mired in a quickly spiraling decent into being big time negative. And as I heard myself I talk, the whole time I’m thinking: [i]Dude, who are you? What are you saying? You’re a pod person. Abort! Abort![/i]
And not long after this bizarre hour, I was back out of it, bewildered, but at least chuckling a bit. Because, as anybody who knows me knows, I’m not a negative guy. I’m just not. Generally speaking, I’m loFor a whole combination of reasons, last night, for about an hour, I found myself mired in a quickly spiraling decent into being big time negative. And as I heard myself I talk, the whole time I’m thinking: [i]Dude, who are you? What are you saying? You’re a pod person. Abort! Abort![/i]
And not long after this bizarre hour, I was back out of it, bewildered, but at least chuckling a bit. Because, as anybody who knows me knows, I’m not a negative guy. I’m just not. Generally speaking, I’m looking towards the future, excited to get there.
So one question is: why did I get wrapped up in this mini-spiral of negativity and self-pity? There’s a bunch of reasons, but one is that I haven’t been giving my brain a rest of late. My spirit either. Throughout my entire life, as far back as I can remember, I’ve had tendencies to want to do too much, like the normal limits of the human body and mind don’t necessary apply to me (I know, I know, but what can I say? I’m working on it…).
At present, I’m plugging away on pruning Finders Keepers, which generally I love to do. I’ve already read the entire manuscript three times all the way through, and I’m about 80 percent done on the fourth read.
To do so, however, I’ve not only been reading early in the morning, but also on the subway on the way to work, on my lunch hour and on the subway on the way home from work. Those are normally the times when I just have me time–that time where I can just let the steam out of my head and chill; doing nothing; recharging?but instead I’ve been working.
Too much. Too much.
I haven’t been giving myself the breaks I need every day to stay focused and energized overall. In my desire to plow through and be working at maximum efficiency all the time, I’ve burned myself out a bit. I haven’t been allowing my natural ebbs and flows to do their thing. I’ve been messing with the wiring.
Well, that’s over. Which isn’t to say that I won’t be putting in the extra time to get through the manuscript this one last time, it’s that I’ve been out of balance–and I need to get back in balance. So maybe I’ll read pages on my lunch hour, but not on the subway going to or from work. Or maybe I’ll just take a few days off from reading pages altogether. It?s not like my world will end if?heaven forbid?I take a few days off (gasp!).
And besides, starting Friday I’m off to Jamaica this weekend for a nice 4-day vacation (shweet! more coming on that tomorrow), so that’ll surely help get my system back on track.
I also haven’t been getting outside and away from my desk much of late, because of the lousy weather, and I haven’t been taking enough of those little breaks throughout the day to meditate a few minutes, or just stretch my legs. You can bet your sweet you-know-what I’m putting those back on track as of this writing.
So what contributed to my little bout of negativity? It was my being unrealistic, pushing myself beyond my reasonable limits. Sometimes I need these reminders that, while goals and ambition can be good, if they come at the expense of my overall balance and harmony, then I need to reconsider my approach and whether what I’m trying to achieve–and in the time frame I’ve set out for myself–is worth it.
Post edited by: rcolchamiro, at: 2008/01/09 06:24
Post edited by: rcolchamiro, at: 2008/01/09 08:57
Post edited by: rcolchamiro, at: 2008/01/09 09:03
