A few years ago someone suggested to me that Liz and I start having a weekly family meeting, to catch each other up on the week ahead so that we?re coordinated. My initial reaction was: [i]Okay, Mr. 1955. I don?t think so. Family meeting. Yeah, right.[/i]
I?m not really sure why I reacted that way. Maybe it was just that the idea had never been introduced to me before, so I rejected it outright. Maybe it was the word [i]meeting[/i]. It just sounds so formal and impersonal; not something forA few years ago someone suggested to me that Liz and I start having a weekly family meeting, to catch each other up on the week ahead so that we?re coordinated. My initial reaction was: [i]Okay, Mr. 1955. I don?t think so. Family meeting. Yeah, right.[/i]
I?m not really sure why I reacted that way. Maybe it was just that the idea had never been introduced to me before, so I rejected it outright. Maybe it was the word [i]meeting[/i]. It just sounds so formal and impersonal; not something for a marriage. Maybe it was something else entirely. I don?t know.
But not long after the suggestion?and my getting over my initial rejection of it?I mentioned it to Liz, and she took to it right away. We?ve been having our family meeting ever since.
We generally sit down late Sunday afternoon/early evening, turn off the TV or the music, and don?t answer the phone. Liz gets her day planner; I get mine. And we bring any lists or notes that we have, and then we just start mapping out the next week or two. Our meetings usually take about 30 minutes.
We?ll start with the upcoming week?I have this on Monday, she has that on Tuesday, etc., and then coordinate any plans we have together. This includes vacations, days off from work, family obligations and dinners with friends, as well as who needs to be home when the electrician is coming, or when the cat has to go the vet. We usually look at the coming week, the week after, and then any bigger plans over the next month. And we make sure that our respective calendars match up.
And I can say that because of our family meetings, we have cut down on our bickering and misunderstandings by half. Maybe more.
The reason is that so many of our minor arguments and frustrations were the result of not being on top of the little things. Because we weren?t, as a couple, staying on top of all the little things that are a part of our daily lives?picking up the dry cleaning, arranging for the plumber, etc.?they started to pile up and cause frustrations.
Having the family meeting acts like a sieve; it helps us filter out our individual and collective responsibilities, and catches those little things that can become big things if left undone or ignored. It helps clear up our roles and responsibilities.
During these meetings, we agree that I will do this, by when, and Liz will do that, by when, and because we know what to expect from the other, it helps us relax. We each know what the other will do, and when. It also cuts back on the frustration of those times when we didn’t coordinate all that well, and Liz would come home later than normal after work, because she had dinner plans with a friend, I didn’t know, or forgot; or I had a writer?s workshop, and Liz didn’t know, or whatever.
Now we’re real clear about these things. It?s the kind of thing we talk about on Sundays. We know what to expect from each other. And since we have our family meeting every week, there aren?t nearly as may gaps in communication. The great thing about these meetings is that they are so doable. We just sit down and talk, with no disruptions. And because we?re talking every week about the elements of our daily lives?big and small?it brings us closer together. We?re in it together. It helps cement us as a team.
That said, having these family meetings doesn?t magically remove all of our frustrations. We don?t always cover everything during these meetings, and sometimes we forget a few things over the week that we discussed just a few days earlier. But having the weekly meeting significantly cuts back on our misunderstandings and confusions. They help our relationship; our lives are more coordinated, and as a result, we have more time for each other, and we argue less.
Also, as a point of full disclosure, we don?t meet every week. We plan to, but it doesn?t always happen. And it?s usually on those weekends when we?re away and we get back late on Sunday, or one of us has plans that day. But overall I would say we have our family meeting about 70 percent of the Sundays. And it?s not like we don?t talk about these things throughout the week anyway. It?s just a good point to either start a new discussion or continue an existing one.
The Family Meeting was something I never even considered until just a few years ago, but now that they are a part of our lives, I can?t imagine how things would go between Liz and I if we stopped having them. They help us in a very real way. They help us manage our lives more effectively, and as a result, we?re happier.
Post edited by: rcolchamiro, at: 2007/08/02 09:59
