Yesterday I spent some time blogging about how I got so caught up in trying to keep everything under control at home and work while Liz recovered, that I lost sight of the fact that I’m only human, and can only do so much. I also noted that I think I learned my lesson, and that when another tough situation comes along, I’ll be better prepared to look for balance. To be realistic about what I can and can’t do.
Hmm. What that yesterday?
Not long after that very post last night, Liz compYesterday I spent some time blogging about how I got so caught up in trying to keep everything under control at home and work while Liz recovered, that I lost sight of the fact that I’m only human, and can only do so much. I also noted that I think I learned my lesson, and that when another tough situation comes along, I’ll be better prepared to look for balance. To be realistic about what I can and can’t do.
Hmm. What that yesterday?
Not long after that very post last night, Liz complained of back and chest pains, and having some tightness in her breathing. She was clearly in distress, and was scared and upset. And for a recovering heart patient, that’s totally understandable. So I tried to keep my cool–which I did–and helped her calm down. I then gave her some massage therapy on her back, which reduced some of the discomfort.
But by bed time Liz wasn’t doing well, and we agreed that in the morning, if she was still struggling, that we’d call the doctor and see what’s what. Believe me when I say I was more than tempted to call 911 that night, because, hell, I’m not a doctor, and I don’t know what’s a normal irritation and what’s a genuine problem. And with a heart situation, your mind wonders …
And man did I stress last night. I barely slept, and when I did, it had nightmares.
One of the reasons is that I was scheduled to take a day trip to Washington, DC, on Thursday, and the thought of Liz needing to go back into the hospital was putting me over the edge.
So I got up early this morning, and decided to work from home, no matter how Liz felt. Better safe than sorry. And after she got up, she did feel better–although not great. So she called her cardiologist, who said that she might have fluid on her lungs, and that she needs to come in for a chest x-ray and an EKG, which she’s getting tomorrow.
I told Liz that I would cancel my business trip so that I could be with her, but she’s such a low-maintenance patient–she’s low maintenance to begin with–that she talked me out of it. My sister-in-law would go with her instead and stay with us that night, as I wouldn’t be back until 3 or 4 am. Having her pinch-hit for me should have helped me relax. But it didn’t.
Instead of just doing what I knew I should have done–and wanted to do; i.e. cancel my trip and be with Liz at the doctor’s office–I figured I could handle the stress of Liz going in for more tests [i]and[/i] go to DC for an overnight trip, keeping it all together.
Once again …
Uh … yeah.
Not only was I stressed, I was probably at my peak stress of this entire process. As I noted yesterday, it was so difficult for me to wind down as it was, to finally unclench and accept that Liz was on the mend, that my psyche couldn’t bare the thought of having to amp back up to that insane level of trying to doing it all … and yet I tried to do it again anyway!
Why didn’t I just cancel my trip? Because. Because I’m UberHusband. Because I’m SuperRuss, and I can do it all.
Except when I can’t.
So I finally canceled my trip, and within seconds of doing so my stress level came down about a bazillion percent.
Now … I know I said yesterday that the next time I faced a tough situation that I’d be more reasonable. Well [i]this[/i] time I really, really mean it …
