This weekend Liz and I were down in the Baltimore area visiting some long-time friends, who just hosted their 10th annual BBQ weekend.
On Saturday night, in the midst of a tale for another day, a bunch of us ran into some neighbors, who, before the night ended around 2 a.m., stumbled over into the backyard with us to knock back a few cold beers. These were college kids?21 and 22 years old?and they seemed just so young and fresh-faced, as most us are in our mid-30s, and some on the cusp of This weekend Liz and I were down in the Baltimore area visiting some long-time friends, who just hosted their 10th annual BBQ weekend.
On Saturday night, in the midst of a tale for another day, a bunch of us ran into some neighbors, who, before the night ended around 2 a.m., stumbled over into the backyard with us to knock back a few cold beers. These were college kids?21 and 22 years old?and they seemed just so young and fresh-faced, as most us are in our mid-30s, and some on the cusp of 40.
And one of the college dudes, in his drunkenness, said something that was simple yet significant. ?You guys are so lucky,? he said. ?You?ve know each other 15, maybe 20 years, and you?re still together, hanging out. Still friends. You?re so lucky.?
And he?s right.
While many people sort of drift in and out of our lives over the years, it is really comforting to know that I?m still friends today with the same core group that I started with almost 20 years ago. They?re a good, loyal bunch?just quality people?and I can?t put a premium on that. Some people are buddies, but these are friends. Real friends. And sometimes it?s easy to overlook–to take for granted–what?s always around, just assuming that it?ll always be there.
Because many friendships?most friendships?just don?t stand the test of time. And these have.
And while I?m definitely lucky in this regard, it isn?t all luck.
Indeed, there?s some randomness (or is it fate?) to who meet, but like with any relationship, we have to work at it. With good friends, we shouldn?t have to work too hard, or else what?s the point, but just because we were connected with someone once doesn?t therefore mean that will always be the case. We all change, and sometimes in ways that takes us in different directions.
And sometimes there are hurt feelings and misunderstandings. Sometimes we act like jackasses, reacting badly to life?s stresses, taking it out on the wrong person. Sometimes we feel slighted, but don?t always realize just how much we?re stung, and then it grows. And sometimes little things turn into really big things. It happens. In fact, hurt feelings and misunderstandings are unavoidable. They are part of friendships.
So how we handle the rough patches?if we?re willing to put in the effort when it is needed most?will go a long way to determining whether our friendships endure the decades.
The duration of our friendships are, at least in part, a testament to how we value and nurture them. Mostly, friendships should be fun and somewhat easy. But when they?re not, it?s a matter of hanging in there and being willing to be honest, open?and humble. To admit when we?re wrong; to accept apologies. Sometimes, to simply agree to disagree. And laugh about it together.
So that we can go on enjoying all the good times.
Friendships aren?t free, nor should they be. But the good ones … they?re just something that money can never buy.
So today?s blog is dedicated to Tom, Rich and Ron, who have been there all these years, and hoping that we’re still hanging out when we’re old and gray, still feeling lucky.
