I’m finding a lot more these days that the idea of expectations is paramount to my success, not just as a writer, but at navigating the madness of life. I’ll stick to the writing part for now.
A lot of my own stress comes from my writing, which is ironic, since it is also the activity that energizes, motivates and thrills me more than probably any other. Writing is a part of me as much as a fully functioning kidney; I can’t have a high quality of life without it.
But writing isn’t juI’m finding a lot more these days that the idea of expectations is paramount to my success, not just as a writer, but at navigating the madness of life. I’ll stick to the writing part for now.
A lot of my own stress comes from my writing, which is ironic, since it is also the activity that energizes, motivates and thrills me more than probably any other. Writing is a part of me as much as a fully functioning kidney; I can’t have a high quality of life without it.
But writing isn’t just about the writing; it’s about getting published. And THAT can bring a lot of stress, if you’re not careful.
Like with anything else, getting published doesn’t just happen. You don’t just wish it so and then–BOOM!–you’re published (if only!). You have to be strategic about it. It’s like a job search. But rather than searching job sites and submitting resumes and cover letters and interviewing and managing that whole process while you’re still working at your current job, you search agents lists and publshing housing and writers groups and conferences, submit query letters and sample chapters, and maybe build a web site and network with industry folks–also while working full time and being married and all the other parts of being alive.
So there’s a lot to it.
To carry this all out it I find that it helps me to have a plan of some sort. And even more important, it helps to have some goals. What do I want to accomplish? By when?
Let’s say I decide that I should land an agent within 6 months, just because in my head that seems like a reasonable amount of time. (I think it should have happened already, but that’s another point entirely!) What if the 6-month mark arrives and I don’t have an agent? How should I feel about myself in that situation? What should I do then?
And let’s say I decide from the outset that I want to have my novel published within one year. And then the year-mark roles around and it hasn’t happened? How should I feel about that?
Where I struggle at times is not allowing for the natural order of things. Whether I’m accepting it at the moment or not, reality keeps reminding–and sometimes painfully so–that there’s a limit to what I can do and when I can do it.
I know. What’s up with that?
I get up a 5 am every day during the week (and about 7 am on weekends), and alternate those early morning before work between writing days and going to the gym. My weekend days are extremely productive for me writing-wise, as I have more alert time. And many morning are productive as well, and I get some good writing done, which includes writing new fiction, working on this web site, writing query letters, etc.
Thing is, there are days when I just can’t get out of bed. Just. Can’t. And there are others when I’m up, but barely functioning, and can’t string together a single coherent sentence, much less some snappy dialogue or a professional letter. I try, but it’s just not in me. I’m tired. I’m achy. I’m sick. I’m not in the mood to be up at friggin 5 am!
It happens, and sometimes with enough regularity to discourage me for a while
But if this is my situation overall, then it seem like I have one of two choices to make:
Choice No. 1 is: I will do my very best each and every day to accomplish what I set out to do, will accept the outcome whether it’s what I wanted or not, and will adjust to the best of my ability as I go along. As a wiser man than I often tells me, "If I can I will, if I can’t I won’t." Which means, if I can reasonably do whatever it is I’ve decided is important, then I’ll go and do it. And if I’m not able to do it, for any number of possible reasons, then I’ll have to take a pass this time. And be okay with it. Not saying I’m okay with it, but actually BEING okay with it. THAT’S the tricky part.
Even though I say the words out loud many times, I sometimes need extra reminders that it simply isn’t possible for me to do more than I’m able. I know, I know, that can sound like crazy talk to me, too. But if that’s really the case (and I’m pretty certain that it is), I’m having a tough time coming up with reasons why I should set expectations for myself that are beyond what I can actually reach.
When I’m able to take this more reasonable attitude–and belive me, it’s not as often as I’d like, but I’m working on it–I’m more relaxed overall, which tends to lead to me being a more productive writer (and person), and the next thing you know I’m accomplishing what I set out to do.
Choice No. 2 is: Screw that, I’m SUPPOSED to accomplish what I want and I’m SUPPOSED to do it within the time frame I arbitrarily decided. Or else it’s a disaster. And if you’re wondering, I indeed take this attitude now and again. And when I do, I tend to be totally stressed out and depressed, and the next thing you know I’m doing a half-assed job of getting where I want to be and then I’m so far off track that I need to just get out of my own head and take a break to recover. When I’m not going right, I tend to believe that I should ALWAYS be writing, and that any missed writing days are days wasted.
I was in one of those funks up until not so long ago, but I’m out of it now and feeling good. Over the last several weeks I’ve finished a novel synopsis, sent out packages to a few agents I’ve met along the way. I’m building this Web site. And there’s more to come.
I’m not saying that I’m never going to run amok again or that I’m never going to lose my way. But my intentions are to stay as focused as I can, to keep my expectations realistic, but that force me to stretch a little, and to laugh at myself–and hopefully with myself–as often as possible. I’m trying to do the best I can with what I know and the time that’s available to me, all while giving myself a break if I don’t get exactly what I want, when I want it.
Is this all a long-winded way of saying that I just need to be patient, but persistent? Maybe. But sometimes I need reminding, where I don’t just know it intellecutally, but emotionally as well. Sometimes it needs to sink in a little more than others.
It’s sunk in good now. I’ll let you know the next time it isn’t, and maybe then you can remind me to take a break and just be okay with doing the best I can that day. Because there’s another one coming soon enough…
Post edited by: rcolchamiro, at: 2006/12/12 08:42
Post edited by: rcolchamiro, at: 2006/12/12 08:51
Post edited by: rcolchamiro, at: 2006/12/12 12:39
